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General Message Board for Ankylosing Spondylitis and Related Diseases
04/21/19 01:31 AM
I came to the forum today to ask a question I may have already figured it out. At least for myself. The question was, Why is it so hard for me to set limits(and boundaries to a certain extent). I have had therapy. I have even done talk groups. I know that with my impairments that I need to take care of myself first so I don't become a burden to someone else. But within my family it is extremely triggering when I am expected to pick up the slack for someone else's crisis.
I will try to keep the background to a minimum. First of all I learned early on that it is good to do what you can for people without overextending yourself. But there can be a fine line there. I have three sisters with boundaries all over the place. One won't help anybody, one will help everyone, one will help everyone but they won't help her so she leans on people who may not have as much to give while she gives to people who won't help her. I am the youngest and the only one who works. One hasn't worked in 30 years, one is on disability and one is retired and over 65. I have AS, insulin dependent diabetes, sleep apnea, PTSD and the laundry list goes on. I went back to work 7 months ago not because it is fun and I have energy to burn but because I need the money to survive. The assault on my boundaries goes way back to childhood and is ugly(when is it not?) My mother was the worst and I left home at 18 basically to set a boundary between my mother and myself.
My sister is sick and her daughters won't take care of her. She has Cdif and is disabled and my oldest sister took her to the hospital. Her daughters who she does so much for cite their children as the reason they can't help their mother. I took care of my father during and after his bypass while I was breastfeeding my daughter exclusively. I stayed with my grandmother after her stroke on the weekends while I was in college. I am in my fifties and my parents and grandparents are gone. It is the younger generations turn. I am tired.
So the question is again why is it so hard? It is hard because I come from a family that makes it hard. They wear you down until you give in. So that it become much more work to stand your ground rather than just give in. They make you feel guilty.
This forum is important to me. It has validated many things I have gone through. The nitty gritty day in day out living with ankylosing spondylitis. I look up to people on this forum and have learned much. What I have not done is speak up some of the time I should have. When I had my flare a few months ago I found support from people who understood it the way no one else could. Few words were needed.
Thanks for reading and I simply appeal to the collective wisdom of the group.
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Athletes Against AS - Tips For Staying Active With AS
03/30/19 08:36 PM
I can’t speak for road may he too much in the saddle...if I’m having a lot of low back/SI joint pain, mountain biking makes it feel much better. I would assume it has to do with being rounded forward in addition to the exercise aspect. A spinning class might be a similar relief with less danger of falling and getting hurt.

Just sharing what helps me! cool
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Athletes Against AS - Tips For Staying Active With AS
03/30/19 08:30 PM
I just wonder if I hadn’t gone at it so hard all my life, would I be in this much pain at only 42? Could the wear and tear have accelerated the genetic disposition I have to this disease?
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Support Groups Information
03/28/19 08:41 PM
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