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#257783 - 09/07/13 11:14 PM marriage
sNsA Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 03/12/13
Posts: 16
Loc: ind
iam in love with a girl younger than me by 8 years but she seems to like me but she doesnot know about my situation should I avoid her for the good of her? or hide this AS condition from her and marry her?
_________________________
seronegative spondyloarthritis or psoriatic arthritis from 2010,

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#257784 - 09/07/13 11:14 PM Re: marriage [Re: sNsA]
sNsA Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 03/12/13
Posts: 16
Loc: ind
please reply
_________________________
seronegative spondyloarthritis or psoriatic arthritis from 2010,

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#257788 - 09/08/13 09:07 AM Re: marriage [Re: sNsA]
jp93 Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 07/31/13
Posts: 122
I wouldn't hide it indefinitely because you can't build a lasting relationship unless you're honest. Sooner or later she will find out. I wouldn't avoid her either. I would wait a little and ease into it. Its not a good opening line and its not the first thing you need to say. Everyone gets something sooner or later. The disease is not a death sentence though. How you explain it is The most important thing. Many people live active lives. Her impression of it will be based on your description so don't make it sound horrible. It's an arthritic condition you're dealing with like Phil Mickelson. Hell, he's the best golfer in the world. Go for it bud!

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#257796 - 09/08/13 07:45 PM Re: marriage [Re: sNsA]
SouthernMoss Online
Registered Visitor

Registered: 03/12/13
Posts: 1604
Loc: MS
Are you already in a relationship with this girl? If, so how serious is the relationship? Your condition is not something that you have to bring up early in a relationship, but it's important to be open and honest if it seems the relationship is getting serious.
_________________________
Ginny - 56 year old female
Dx with USpA in March 2013; changed to AS in July 2015
Iritis and Scleritis
unicompartmental knee replacement June 2014
MTX, Humira, Cyclobenzaprine, plus Indomethacin ER as needed
Supplements: Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Calcium, Fish Oil, Melatonin, Culturelle probiotic

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#257811 - 09/09/13 06:19 AM Re: marriage [Re: sNsA]
JenInCincy Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 13279
Loc: Cincinnati, OH
You can't, and shouldn't even try to hide a significant chronic condition like this from someone you are considering spending the rest of your life with. No need to tell everybody you meet, as soon as you meet them, but if you are in a committed relationship it would be a good idea to mention it sooner rather than later. If you wait too long she might be upset that you didn't trust her enough to confide in her. And, if she feels like she can't handle being with you, it would be best to know that before you commit too much to her emotionally. (That would be really dumb/panicky on her part, but unfortunately this happens sometimes.) Most mature adults know that nobody is perfect - we all have issues/baggage of some kind - so don't let your self esteem get so low that it allows you to think you should forego taking a shot at happiness "for her own good." Let HER decide what's good for HER, don't presume you can make that choice for someone else.
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Jen, 42, happy partner of James and Moma to Evan, 14, & Lucy, 12.5 (Crohn's dx @ age 3; on Remicade since April 2010.) I take piroxicam, Flexeril, & Nucynta ER nightly. 3 anti-TNFs didn't pan out for me.

"Science is the father of knowledge, but opinion breeds ignorance." -- Hippocrates

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