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#277183 - 01/31/17 04:46 PM am i having a nervous breakdown?
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
I obsess over trivial things. Like checking my car door is locked a 100 times. I always think something will go wrong with me. I talked to a counseller some time ago, scheduled an appointment and then cancelled it, I believed in something and acted upon it and thought a counseller is not going to be helpful to me. I always keep on thinking things will fail on me..Is it because I do not have any control on things and such trivial things gives me a sense of control? I was never so freak earlier, I used to be very careless about things and even if things go wrong it hardly used to think about them. But now... I am a mess. or is it because I cannot remember the things anymore? I am so afraid of doing things as if I will fail doing them..
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277184 - 01/31/17 04:47 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
and I have understated the state I am in above, because I know you will think I am a freak...
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277185 - 01/31/17 06:46 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
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Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
I get stuck when deciding about simple things. Like whether I should use this or that, etc... I am in total chaos. I dont get a sense of accomplishment if I do something..may be I am in so much of pain..nothing else matters..what I do or achieve..today I spent 30 minutes to decide whether the packing for my sunglasses which I wanted to sent for repair were sufficient enough or not..In the end I came back home from post office, because I knew I will never be able to decide..and I cried at my helplessness. Not the first time it happened to me. I go through it for anything and everything.. Everything seems so useless to me, as in what am I doing it for?.normal human being have a target or goal when they do something..like eating food(because they like the food, or enjoy the taste), doing simple chores,etc...for me it comes..down to what difference will it make...I am going to be a miserable person whole my life.......
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277189 - 02/01/17 08:38 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
SouthernMoss Online
Registered Visitor

Registered: 03/12/13
Posts: 1604
Loc: MS
I think you are just overwhelmed. Chronic pain drains you mentally and emotionally, making even simple decisions hard. You may be depressed too, which is common in people with chronic pain.

I think you should go to the counselor. He/she can help you develop strategies to cope with your pain so that it doesn't overtake your life.

Also, if you aren't already seeing one, I would recommend seeing a pain specialist.
_________________________
Ginny - 56 year old female
Dx with USpA in March 2013; changed to AS in July 2015
Iritis and Scleritis
unicompartmental knee replacement June 2014
MTX, Humira, Cyclobenzaprine, plus Indomethacin ER as needed
Supplements: Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Calcium, Fish Oil, Melatonin, Culturelle probiotic

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#277190 - 02/01/17 09:31 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
Thanks Ginny. It comforts me a bit its not my fault. I thought may be I am a freak, and I control my own confidence. But I do not, as you said I think the chronic pain have drained my mentally and emotionally and my confidence as well. When I talk to someone I do not have any confidence in my voice, like a old frail man.
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277191 - 02/01/17 09:45 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
I am also seeing a pain specialist, my MRIs show I have

I am also seeing a pain specialist, my MRIs show I have

Lumbar Spine Without Contrast
1. Loss of normal Lumbar Lordosis
2. Schmorl Nodes noted from L1-L4 levels.
3. There is loss of disc hydration L1-L2 and L2-L3 levels.
4. No Focal Disc PAthology

Thoracic Spine
1. Mild Thoracic Spondylosis
2. T9-T10 . There is 1.2 mm central slighly left para central disc bulge indenting ventral thecal sac without significant spinal canal or Neural foraminal
stenosis


I have appointment on 15th to see Stanford Pain MAnagement, as my current pain management are only interested in making me visit as frequent as possible so they can bill my insurance, while for every appointment they only spend 10 minutes, and same set of questions
They are nice and polite, but the treatment is not helping me. So, I decided to change....
Not very hopeful about if Epidural injections will help..or if
the disc bulge is the cause of my pain...




Edited by Shippingnews (02/01/17 09:48 AM)
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277194 - 02/01/17 10:39 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Cake Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 119
Loc: Madison, Wisconsin, USA
Dealing with a serious chronic illness and chronic pain is not easy. In my personal opinion, it is actually one of the hardest things a person may face in life. It is not uncommon for a stressful experience like this to trigger feelings of anxiety and depression.

Depending on your preferences and resources, it might be helpful to explore any or all of the following:

- counseling with a therapist who is experienced in working with patients with chronic illness/pain

- a support group (here is one that offers a free telephone support group for people who cannot find one locally, or are too ill to leave their home: http://www.painconnection.org/support/index.html )

- read books by people who have lived with serious illness/pain as well as books about how to cope with chronic illness/pain

- religious or spiritual support, prayer, etc.

- meditation practice (doesn't matter what religion you are).

I have lived with pain and illness for over twenty years now, and I have used all of the above at various times.

Best wishes to you!

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#277244 - 02/06/17 07:41 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Jalf Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 06/21/13
Posts: 50
Hi Shippingnews, Iím sorry youíre feeling this way. I will tell you my experience and maybe it will help. Sometimes I feel like I canít leave my apartment, even to go to the grocery store. Itís an irrational fear and I know it doesnít make sense. Sometimes it helps if I will wait till itís dark outside and there are less people around. When I feel this way, minor OCD tendencies start occurring like I need to walk around a lamp-post a certain way or I'm checking the heater is off for the millionth time.

Iíve also done similar things to you with the sunglasses, to the point were I work myself into a panic attack. Last summer was the first time I realised I was having full anxiety attacks. I have since started saying Ďnoí to people. I was committing to too many things that other people wanted me to do, and it stressed me out because I was afraid of letting them down.
But anyway, whenever I have a day or a week where everything is going wrong, I just stop and leave everything alone. Unless thereís some sort of an emergency, I just cancel everything and indulge in movies and books until I calm down and I can think straight again.

I have seen a counsellor before, and the only thing it did for me was burn a whole in my pocket. I wasted money I didnít really have to spare. But everyoneís different so seeing a counsellor might help you. I just thought, if I can get myself into this frenzied mess, I'm going to have to get out of it by myself.
_________________________
Female, 27 years old. AS in 2008. Symptoms since 2007.

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#277263 - 02/08/17 09:12 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
Thank you Cake and Jalf. That explains.
I felt my heart palpitations as well, and I read they are related to panic attacks. That explains a lot, why I behave like freak when around people, even before I was diagnosed. Now I try to remind my self there is nothing wrong with the situation and I will always feel anxious no matter what I do. So, I try to wait and see what happens. This disease is much more than just a painful disease it is a mental, physical and emotional onslaught.
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277264 - 02/09/17 04:57 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Jalf Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 06/21/13
Posts: 50
These pain management peopleÖ How do you act when you see health related professionals? When Iím feeling helpless and exhausted, Iím passive and donít really say anything. Iíve discovered that doctors or physioís or whoever it is, love an easy patient and they try get you back out the door as fast as possible. I recently took on an aggressive / assertive persona and I was taken far more seriously. If youíre not going to fight for yourself, who is? Be dramatic. Do what you have to do to get results because nobody else is going to give a cr*p about yourself as much as you are. Try to find the courage and strength to stick up for yourself.

And yes, I think the worst consequences of having chronic pain is being incapacitated by it and therefore isolated, not really the pain itself.
_________________________
Female, 27 years old. AS in 2008. Symptoms since 2007.

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#277265 - 02/09/17 05:19 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
onlywhenilaugh Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/26/12
Posts: 492
I suffered from anxiety and depression for many years when I was younger. I have learned from experience that anything that throws you off balance mentally is enough to exacerbate the symptoms. Being diagnosed with a life altering illness certainly is enough to cause anyone anxiety. Many of the symptoms that you are describing seem to be your brain's effort to gain some control over your life, that likely seems out of control at the moment. Like some of the others here, I suggest seeing a therapist. Someone who understands anxiety and chronic illness should be able to help you through this. I know that sometimes we feel like isolating ourselves when we feel this way, but that usually only makes the symptoms worse. I am not a professional, but have experienced severe anxiety and depression and managed to come out on the other side. Best wishes to you. This is difficult to deal with and you do not have to do it alone.
_________________________
Age 61. AS dx'd at age 57
HLA-B27+,iritis/uveitis periodically since 1970, diabetic
Meds. naproxen and muscle relaxer(as needed)

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#277275 - 02/10/17 05:54 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Gslsls Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 02/02/17
Posts: 21
Thank you for your post. It seems like the only people who understand me are those who have chronic pain themselves. Most days I am smiling but screaming inside. I haven't found s therapist to talk with me but right now I am ok with that. Coping with this varies day to day hour to hour. If I didn't have my girls to keep me active I would probably be in a far darker place. Good luck to you as well!

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#277319 - 02/17/17 01:36 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
GardenGnome Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 08/28/16
Posts: 72
Try to meditate. Study it and try it. You mind is going 1000 miles a minute it seems. You need to clear it for a few minutes and learn not to worry so much.

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#277333 - 02/18/17 07:16 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Seeker77 Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 08/30/11
Posts: 138
I check the door knob many times. I have stress and anxiety and depression. I went to see a counselor, waste of money. Chronic illness, as previously said, is quite overwhelming. I think what helps is eating better, exercise, prayer, listening to beautiful piano music, and reading the Bible and prayer.

Feel better...

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#277334 - 02/19/17 06:10 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
GardenGnome Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 08/28/16
Posts: 72
I agree. Prayer is #1. PRayer changes things. Dont be discouraged if you feel like you prayers are unanswered. Just wait and a the right time things will change for the better. The right time is not necessarily now like you think it is

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#277335 - 02/19/17 06:33 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
I am a prisoner of panic attacks, what a crap disease..cannot even work ..always undecided
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277336 - 02/19/17 06:36 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
and no doctor is able to figure out what is wrong with me..I cannot get on with life like rest of you. I have not gone out for last 4 years. death would be a very welcome thing..but I am not even able to do that
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277337 - 02/19/17 08:53 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
cindyd Online
Registered Visitor

Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 853
Loc: Minnesota
Shippingnews, There are drs. who can figure out what it wrong with you. It might take awhile but the search will pay off.
Don't stop looking for help.
We all have gone to a dark place in our lives, with this disease.
If your medication isn't working, try something else.
Our bodies are going thru a chemical imbalance, and can also cause our brains to have an imbalance.
It is worth it to keep looking, for our brains to get back into balance.

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#277350 - 02/20/17 05:31 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Gslsls Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 02/02/17
Posts: 21
Shipping news, I am just checking in to see how you are doing today?

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#277351 - 02/20/17 05:57 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
Thank you Gslsls. I am hanging in. Called in to my pain management clinic to schedule the epidural, they would be giving me a call back. Probably another couple of weeks before it is done.

Thanks Cindyd and everyone else for responding to me.
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277352 - 02/20/17 06:03 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Gslsls Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 02/02/17
Posts: 21
I know all of this is do overwhelming but I hope you are able to take the others advice as it Does help. For me, yoga and god have been helping me mentally and then throw in my two kids for the physical part too. I hope you get some resolution too. Keep us updated!

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#277356 - 02/21/17 03:32 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
cindyd Online
Registered Visitor

Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 853
Loc: Minnesota
Shippingnews, I have had the epidurals, and they do help. Just remember the day you have it, to just take it easy.
Do you have some kind of hobby? If you don't, try and find one. That has helped me a lot.
If you don't, buy one of the adult coloring books!
Try any thing to keep you mind, from playing the woe is me game.

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#277361 - 02/21/17 04:49 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Gslsls Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 02/02/17
Posts: 21
Shipping news, how was your day? How was the doc appointment?

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#277375 - 02/22/17 06:37 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
Hi,

I went for psychology consult, it was ok. I told them that I get irritated if they ask repetitive questions, cancelled it and then re-continued it, with me standing since I cannot sit for long. I think they were expecting someone who is able to talk to them more comfortably and participate more happily, but my condition is much worse. I hope that they pass this on to my pain doctor who asked me to go for psych consult, and he gets aggressive with finding me a solution. Does anyone know what to expect after epidural? Can I travel?(Stanford has two centers, one in San Jose, and other in Redwood) they have an earlier appointment for Redwood, which mean I would have to travel 30 miles, can I travel after epidural? I would take uber as I do not want to drive for a procedure.What about work? Can I work after 12 hours?
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277376 - 02/22/17 06:39 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
another thing, is it better to let the same doctor who saw me do the epidural, or any doctor is fine? Same doctor is only available on 21st March, which is another month of wait
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277378 - 02/23/17 10:31 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
cindyd Online
Registered Visitor

Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 853
Loc: Minnesota
If I remember right, you need a driver for your epidural. I don't think it makes a difference which dr. does it, as long as its in the same clinic. They will have your records from your other one.
Glad you went to a psych appt., hope you continue.

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#277382 - 02/23/17 12:48 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
SouthernMoss Online
Registered Visitor

Registered: 03/12/13
Posts: 1604
Loc: MS
Please continue talking to a psychiatrist or counselor. I think over time it will help.

Fingers crossed that the epidural gives you some relief.
_________________________
Ginny - 56 year old female
Dx with USpA in March 2013; changed to AS in July 2015
Iritis and Scleritis
unicompartmental knee replacement June 2014
MTX, Humira, Cyclobenzaprine, plus Indomethacin ER as needed
Supplements: Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Calcium, Fish Oil, Melatonin, Culturelle probiotic

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#277400 - 02/27/17 10:19 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
Hi,

I had to reschedule it because of work, another 3 weeks wait. Is it only a 1 day procedure? and I can go to my usual activities and work in 24 hours?

Thanks in advance!
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277401 - 02/27/17 10:27 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
And glad I did. I rescheduled it too early, as I am required to stop Celecoxib and anti-inflammatory 7 days prior to the procedure? Is celecoxib and Indocin blood thinners as well?
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277430 - 03/04/17 06:55 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
will the Epidural work? Anyone had any experience with it? I dont know what to do if it does not help? Should I try more epidurals in case if it does not help? I am very scared what if it does not help me.!!
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277496 - 03/10/17 04:33 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
mpc2012 Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 03/15/09
Posts: 316
What area do you live? Maybe I can refer you to a good doctor in your area?

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#277550 - 03/16/17 05:20 PM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
PM'd you.
Thanks!
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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#277585 - 03/20/17 09:45 AM Re: am i having a nervous breakdown? [Re: Shippingnews]
Shippingnews Offline
Registered Visitor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 332
gr8 the RN gave me wrong medication info which I should have discontinued before the epidural and its tomorrow and I have been taking it all along and they do not even have time to take my calls. bigger a hospital more casual they are about their patients
_________________________
Male, early 30s. AS diagnosed Sep 2015. HLAB27+
Current medicines: Omeprazole, Vit D3, Celecoxib(1 tab)/Zorvolex(2 tabs)(alternatimg between these two every week), Pyridoxine, Isoniazid, MTX(3 tab) every wednesday, on humira every two weeks since Dec 2015, Weekly Humira since June 18th 2016

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