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A true friend is....
#237405 07/24/12 03:52 AM
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So continuing on a thought from another thread...I'm guessing many of us have lost acquaintances (because a true friend hangs in there, right?), but we're bound to have picked up a few new BFFs along our journeys. I thought it might be a good idea to stop and think ( sharing is even better!) what makes our friends, our friends.

1. She doesn't think I'm weird when I grab a cushion off her sofa and get comfy on the floor against a wall. She just keeps tossing me drink coasters until one lands close enough to reach.

2. When I'm having a "bad bones day" as we call it, she will sneak in an extra library or art session for my class (she teaches both at my tiny little school).

3. She has RA, so she gets it, but the best is when we both hurt like heck, still have to get up a short flight of steps, and are pushing each other, getting melodramatic pulling on the railings, and usually end up sitting halfway up for a break (stiffness and pain) and to catch our breath because we're laughing so hard at ourselves.

4. She always understands if I have to ditch on plans last minute; she's had to do the same. She never gets that "feeling pity" sound to her voice; she just responds with "well that's a bummer. Want me to tell you what my odd neighbor did today until the good meds kick in?"

Your turn!!!!


Kim: finishing the PhD SOMETIME in 2013! Dx'd with Undifferentiated Spondyloropathy (officially!) in October 2010 and gastroperesis in August 2011, now adding Sjorgren's and VERTIGO to the mix. Mom to 1 daughter with AS (on FULL disability), and 2 sons with UDiff (1 a graphic designer-freelance and 1 an elite level soccer player). Taking Enbrel (Oct. 2012) and Sulfasalezine (spring? 2011)
Re: A true friend is....
Soccerdocmom #237413 07/24/12 03:17 PM
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Well, I don't have any close friends IRL who know me and my pain issues well enough to respond to them. My partner is my BFF smile He can tell by my mood if I'm having a rough day, and he ups the effort to do "my" jobs that he knows are particularly painful for me, without talking about it.


Jen, 42, happy partner of James and Moma to Evan, 14, & Lucy, 12.5 (Crohn's dx @ age 3; on Remicade since April 2010.) I take piroxicam, Flexeril, & Nucynta ER nightly. 3 anti-TNFs didn't pan out for me.

"Science is the father of knowledge, but opinion breeds ignorance." -- Hippocrates
Re: A true friend is....
Soccerdocmom #237419 07/24/12 04:51 PM
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I do have a friend with lupus and scleroderma. It's nice sometimes not to explain why I'm limping, why I can't go out, or why I can't reach that shelf even though I'm super tall, because she totally gets it. She doesn't have the same problems I do, so I don't expect her to know when to jump in without asking, but sometimes she really surprises me!

I'm not very very open to my other friends about my pain, so I definitely shouldn't expect them to know how I feel. I just hope they're not judging me when I refuse and invite or walk strangely. They are my closest friends though - I should give them some credit.

Re: A true friend is....
Soccerdocmom #237443 07/24/12 10:02 PM
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kim, our son will defend his dissertation on 13 aug. so exciting. proud of you both. it is a long slog even with the best of circumstances. your life story with yours and your children afflicted is almost unimaginable. i am so sorry for your suffering.

you bring a good topic here. i liked thinking about this. it is very broad yet very personal. what makes us a true friend? my biggest is caring. one good friend i miss, who passed a year ago, cared about me when our twins were young and we belonged to the same organization. she went to the board on my behalf before we had ever met, and told them to lay off making me do xtra work as i had twins, and that was enough.

we were lifelong friends. she always genuinely cared.

so, for me, it was fighting for me, even not knowing me, but caring enough that i got a fair shake.

of course, i had this disease at the time, just undxd. guess she could see me struggling.

thanks for asking.

blessings, s.


Re: A true friend is....
Soccerdocmom #237454 07/25/12 03:57 AM
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Congrats to your son, Sequoia! It is indeed a marathon and not a sprintLOL! Right now I'm at the "I'll defend when I damn well feel like it" stage of the dissertation :-)

I love hearing about everyone else's true friends. I'm having a crappy flare at the moment, and the hands, wrists, and ankles have joined in the party this time for good I think. When I feel like this, it's good to know I've got a friend who will listen, but knows I don't need her to solve the problem...just let me vent.

Jen, what do you mean, "IRL"? I thought WE were IRL :-) I don't think of this message board forum as anything other than a collection of friends and acquaintances...just like real life, our friends here check up on us when we go AWOL, "hold" our hand when we need it, and break out the "clue by 4" for rheumys who have upset our friends :-)

Laine, isn't it great to have a friend (in an odd, warped kind of way) who also gets the challenges? Some days, it really is nice to be able let someone know, just a facial expression, how you really feel that day.

Keep the stories coming! I hope it helps us to remember NOT to take for granted those truly good friends in our lives!
K


Kim: finishing the PhD SOMETIME in 2013! Dx'd with Undifferentiated Spondyloropathy (officially!) in October 2010 and gastroperesis in August 2011, now adding Sjorgren's and VERTIGO to the mix. Mom to 1 daughter with AS (on FULL disability), and 2 sons with UDiff (1 a graphic designer-freelance and 1 an elite level soccer player). Taking Enbrel (Oct. 2012) and Sulfasalezine (spring? 2011)
Re: A true friend is....
Soccerdocmom #237482 07/25/12 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted By: Soccerdocmom
Jen, what do you mean, "IRL"? I thought WE were IRL :-)


I can't hug you guys, or throw stuff at you wink Well, I guess I could throw it but it wouldn't go too far! laugh


Jen, 42, happy partner of James and Moma to Evan, 14, & Lucy, 12.5 (Crohn's dx @ age 3; on Remicade since April 2010.) I take piroxicam, Flexeril, & Nucynta ER nightly. 3 anti-TNFs didn't pan out for me.

"Science is the father of knowledge, but opinion breeds ignorance." -- Hippocrates
Re: A true friend is....
Soccerdocmom #237493 07/25/12 08:17 PM
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I forgot to mention - another thing I appreciate about my friend with lupus/scleroderma is that she knows when she can't understand what I'm feeling. Just like I can't relate to my skin tightening and losing use of my hands, she doesn't have the spinal pain and stiffness I do. No assumptions, just a willingness to learn!

I find that many other people assume they know what it's like because they have back pain, so they don't bother to learn any more about what I'm going through. That's especially tough when I'm close to the person. frown


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