Spondylitis Association of America Forums General Discussion Men Only Message Board A very embarrassing question for you guys.

Hello everyone,

I was diagnosed about thirteen years ago. Like most of you guys, I am taking a whole lot of meds…Vicodin, Celebrex, Prednisone, Flexeril, Humira, etc.

This is even difficult to write this. The reason I am posting this is to ask you guys if you have experienced this type of sexual problem. A few weeks ago, I was unable to get an erection. For the last two days I have been able to have an erection, but I was unable to "finish." I was not able to have an orgasm. There, I said it.

I am 44 years old and I have been married to the same woman for almost 19 years. She is a very beautiful and desirable woman and I am very attracted to her. Thankfully, she is also very patient. So, the purpose of my post is this---has this happened to any of you? Is this my new reality? What do you guys do? I do realize that this is a very personal question that I am asking you guys, but this is the internet. It's not like we have to admit to this thing in public and in front of a bunch of people who know us

Thank you, to all of you who care to reply.

Larry

We've all been there at some point. While there could be any number of contributing factors, the meds you take, or a combination of the meds, could definitely have something to do with it. A patient spouse is a blessing.

Spenser23

LarryC, I was in your predicament years ago when I was on a cocktail of meds. nothing for ages then I changed meds and I was back to normal. Another thing to consider as you have a patient lady is to relax and enjoy each others company. The more you worry the worse it gets. Been there, didnt like it.
Good luck and RELAX!

Thanks, guys. I do appreciate the feedback.

I've had the not being able to finish problem before from my SSRI. On the positive side, it let me go for a really long time. On the negative side, it let me go for a really long time. LOL It was extremely frustrating; but the other anti-D's I tried completely removed my libido. I guess it's the lesser of two evils. You can have pain and depression, or you can function a bit abnormally from time to time. Easy choice really. Any partner worth their salt should understand.

I'm not attracted to my wife because of the way she's treated me since I got sick; so none of that's an issue anymore. Yay!!! It's actually rather liberating.

toby

Your definately not alone.. My meds seem to do the same thing you talk about.. I am on quite a few pain meds. (Methadone, Tramadol, Butabytal, and the NASID Diclofenac.. My Dr. gave me Lipator <sp. to try and help.. It didn't seem to do a whole lot but did help a "little".

I don't have any real answeres, just trying to let you know that this isn't a problem exclusive to you.. I have it too..

Been thinking about this topic since I saw it yesterday. You are not alone in this boat. First thing is, do not keep it to yourself. Your partner has to know. I didn't tell and before I knew it she thought I was having an affair, I didn't find her attractive and all the other things she could imagine. I got so frustrated I just quit trying. That made it even worse. She was ready to leave when I confessed. Its embarassing. But as most of us know, we become superman in the bedroom. Once she understood why I don't finish all the time, she was good with it. Really our problem can be thier benefit.

Larry, it's a wonder that this post doesn't have a few hundred thousand replies. I think that most of us go through sexual issues with AS. It can range from some of the meds (opiates, SSRIs, etc) causing dysfunction to a bad day of pain simply making one "not in the mood". Your spouse being understanding and supportive is the single best thing for you, make sure to tell her what a treasure she is. When you asked if this has happened to any of us, the answer is yes...to most of us.

I want to note that I have been on a drug called Milnacipran, a kind of antidepressant that is actually prescribed only for chronic pain. It has an unusual annoying side effect -- it makes male orgasms slightly uncomfortable (not really ouch painful, but a little discomfort). It did not however ruin the experience for me, which needless to say should be nothing but pleasurable, but I could feel a difference.

This raises a point relevant to the above. We all have to decide which drugs to take based on how much they help versus the trade-off of how much side-effects we are willing to live with. You have to look at your overall quality of life. And I know from experience that sex is one of those things that goes out the window first when I am not feeling well. Yet it really is a vital part of life. After you have been stuck there for a while (i.e., not getting any because you don't feel like it, or losing erections due to pain, meds, or stress), it seems hard to crawl out of the hole and overcome. But usually if you talk to your spouse and make a little bit of effort, you can get back to enjoying the pleasure that God intended you to have, and this in itself is healing! So it actually may seem kind of counterintuitive when you don't feel like it, but if you can work out a way to get an erection and move to orgasm, you will feel better, even if the experience is not perfect (according to your fantasies). If you finish without orgasm, that is not a failure, in my opinion. Sex should be a time to express love to your partner, not as much to get something yourself, so giving sexual touch or caresses itself is a good thing, even if it does not end in orgasm. (On the other hand, your partner may feel like a failure for not being able to get you to orgasm, so talk about it with her to reassure her).

In my experience, living with AS pain and the side-effects of medications, sex has to be more planned than spontaneous -- it takes a bit of work to get there. So schedule it in, but give yourself a break if your body just doesn't feel up to it or cannot go all the way. Talk to your doctor about erection drugs too. I have tried them before and they really work!

Larry you might consider having your hormone levels tested.
Low hormone levels are common for men over the age of 40.

David.