Spondylitis Association of America Forums General Discussion Young Adults - The 20-Something Club struggling to fight alone

do you ever feel like life is just passing you by? that you are alone in your fight? that no one understands?

I finally got the courage to go to college this past fall. I am going back in a few weeks for the spring semester. I am trying to get out and actually live my life, but...

I am different from most young people. most people i encounter at college either look at me like i'm a freak (AS has left me unable to stand straight upright, i stand and walk kinda bent over)or they just ignore me. The few people who do actually try to talk to me i shut out mostly. i can't accept myself so how could they accept me?

Life sucks. i realize that, i just need to learn how to deal with it.

I know i am not the only one suffering, i just feel very alone in my struggle.

I don't want to fight this alone, but no one can fight this battle for me.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. I wish I had some wisdom for you other than to persevere, because things DO get better. Are you seeing a doctor to address your depression and persistent negative thoughts? Please don't put it off - it could make a world of difference although it won't help your AS or your pain. It could change your outlook on life.

No one is alone here though it can "feel" that way. You are included in our senses and our thoughts. Do they have groups at school that you are attracted to join in?

Wandering a college campus (or I'm sure a high school, middle school, etc. for those afflicted even younger) can definitely feel isolating when you suffer from a disease that makes you feel much older than your "real" age. When walking to class hurts, when you have to ask every professor for special permission to be "allowed" to leave the class more frequently than most when IBS calls, when you have to force yourself to go to the classes with graded attendance on bad days knowing that there might be even worse days later in the semester... and knowing that the vast majority of your "peers" don't understand at all... It does feel lonely. But I'll tell you what, when you finally graduate, it feels like that much more of an accomplishment. School is more challenging for us in ways that most don't understand, but if you persevere and get through it, you know just how hard you worked and that you really earned it.

I would echo Jen's suggestion to see a doctor about depression. Getting on Pristiq when I was suffering from situational depression made a world of difference for me. Though my health circumstances haven't changed, my world view has, I suppose because a chemical imbalance was corrected and my Pollyanna attitude fought back up toward the top. Having a therapist on hand that I can talk to when it all gets to be too much is also extremely helpful. I don't have to feel I'm burdening a loved one with my darker thoughts, and I don't have to put up with a loved one writing off my worries about my health because that's how they have to process their worries about my health...

but what if things don't get better? i know i have the choice to work toward changing my outlook on life, but i don't see my situation getting any better, it will only get harder and more complicated.
Back in July i quit going to counseling after four years of it. It wasn't doing me any good anymore. i was shutting down and not talking anymore.
I know i need to get help, but sometimes i just don't want to.

Counseling doesn't work for everyone - especially for depression that is organic disease, not situational, which kind of sounds like is the case with you. You can talk yourself to death but if the stuff you're talking about isn't the stuff that made you depressed it may not help much.

Antidepressants might be a life changing thing for you - the only way to find out is to see a psychiatrist. Feeling discouraged and hopeless as you are can definitely be a sign of depression and if so, is not something you can just fix by working on it or willpower etc.

ok, but antidepressants aren't going to change my life, they won't help my AS or my pain. They won't make me look normal. So, what, i'd be on them forever? i won't even treat my AS, why would i treat depression?
i avoid taking meds. i don't think antidepressants would be wise for me. they wouldn't be a quick fix. i need to learn how to deal with life, not pop a pill and hope for the best.

becca, I have struggled with lifelong depression and anxiety. I also have complex PTSD.

I have tried almost everything from medication to natural approaches and therapeutic approaches. The only thing that helped me was a cognitive-based mindfulness therapy. A scientific mindfulness, not Buddhism. There is a difference. I am not against Buddhism, but the scientific approach worked best for me.

And it does exactly what you are looking for: how to deal with life and your current situation.

The books I recommend are "The Happiness Trap" and "The Reality Slap", both by Russ Harris. He really has a gift for explaining things clearly.

This is not a quick fix, but I felt shifts and healing just from reading the books. And as I practice, my skills improve.

Even if this approach doesn't appeal to you or help you, I hope that you find something that helps. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Becca,

I can appreciate how difficult it is to live with this disease at a young age. It is hard to know what the future will bring, whether things will improve,stay the same, or worsen. But you can learn to choose how you will react to it. Maybe a different therapist or type of therapy will be more helpful. I also am not a fan of medication and carefully evaluate every drug that is prescribed to me. I do think if I was so painfully unhappy that I would think carefully about whether drugs would improve my life or not. I hope that you find what works for you, because even though this disease sucks life has so much to offer if you are open to it. Best Wishes

I do not understand your decision not to treat the AS or your depression. Can you help me understand your reasons? Thanks.