Spondylitis Association of America Forums General Discussion Men Only Message Board Defense of self and family

Hey Toby, no its not old fashioned to feel that being the male, (husband) means that your the one to protect your family. I am just 30, and have felt it that way since i can remember. Do not worry about what you think you may not be able to do cause i'll be honest, when or if that time ever comes, every pain, concern ect will go completely out the window when your time is called to protect your family. I had to defend myself fully about 2 weeks ago, and needless to say i was not the one lying down in the end. In return i hurt like i never had for a week straight. The consiquencial pain for engaging an enemy is now what worries me for future reference, but if and when that time comes again, all that will go out the window in the name of valor and honor. I hope that none of you, including myself are called to stand in those times, (for the first or again) because of the aftermath pain to come from doing so. My encounter was with my brother-in-law, my wife and i unfortunately live with her sister and her sisters husband, and since our confrontation, he knows he can not prevail against me. He is a controling alcoholic, and because he knows he can not walk on me anymore, i have come to believe that he in return, is taking his revenge out on my little spud. (lab/dochsund mix dog) Spud is our son in our eyes, and im suspecting that when my wife and i are out running about the town, he is feeding my vodka, causing him to become sick and lathargic by that evening and next day. I think im on a path here and the next time Spud gets this way, im taking him immediately to our vet to have Spud's blood tested, and if it comes up any bit positive, a new level of brutality will be born. I guess the point im trying to make is this. Unfortunately when or if that time comes for us to have to defend our family, (including animals cause they are family also) our strength will become like that we know not, and we will prevail. If we can not, i know that we will be able to stand strong long enough for our family to atleast flee to safety even if it ment our lives!!! My A.S is so horrible that my wife has to dress me in the mornings cause i can not even lift my arms, atleast until my narcotics kick in, and i firmly believe that each and every one of you would do very well when called to battle. Please let not yourselves doubts you capabilities!!

Have a good day;

opps

i ment to say that " he is feeding my Spud Vodka"
lol i dont drink lol

Hey all,
New here to this site and I'm glad I found it. I feel the same way Toby does. There are times when I'm playing with my kids and they will hit me a little to hard and it feels like a grown mans punch. I have three kids 7, 5, and 4. My biggest fear is being out in public and something happening to where I have to defend them or myself. I've taken TaeKwon Do, Okinowan Karate and Southern Shaolin Style Kung Fu (Hung Gar). I spent 8 years in the Marine Corps 2 of those years being a personal guard a 4 Star Admiral, and with all of that training I still fear the thought of having to physically fight someone because of the pain. Not just the pain of being hit but the pain of swinging, grabbing, being tossed and moving quickly.

I also live in a state where it is legal to conceal carry, so now I do Conceal Carry lethal and non-lethal weapons which I can use for any occasion that might occur. I have a 500,000 watt taser and a Springfield XD .45 that I have with me everywhere I go except church. I don't go out any more especially at night when all the roudy club go'ers are out. This disease has really effected my life and my self esteem to the point I feel like an old helpless man. I'm only 34 and It's hard for me to say no when my kids ask me to go outside and toss a football or chasae them around. Some days I can barely walk in the grass because the un-eveness of the yard. The smallest dips and holes causes unbelievable pain. I can't even turn my neck anymore. When I come to an intersection I have to turn my whole body just to see if a car is comming and there are some intersections that I can't even do that, so I have to guess and hope I don't hit or get hit by someone. To make matters worse I just had Heart Valve replacement because of the (AS) in Dec 07.

I think the thing I hate most is that I feel no one understands. I hate when I tell someone my back/hips or chest hurts only to hear them say "ohh yeah I woke up with back pains too" NO!!!! I'm way past those kind of waking up, "I slept in a bad position type of back pains." I can't just take a 50mg Tylenol or Advil and the pain go away for the rest of the day. Sorry for the rant but this is my first time talking about this.

Mr. Fish, I believe there is validity to your point. This is a minor example. Last summer I was helping a customer take a package out to her car. She had a ankle biter type dog that she carried with her everywhere. In the parking lot, for some reason, she put the little guy down on the pavement. No sooner had she done that, than a large, aggressive dog jumped out the back window of parked vehicle and tried to attack the poor little thing. Still holding her rather large parcel, I positioned myself between the two dogs and was able to prevent a very ugly incident.

I moved very well at the time and the pain just vanished. I felt even that little exertion the next day, though...big time.

Spectral_Tiger, I understand completely. I've heard that the XD is a fine weapon, great choice. For me, the .45 acp is a bit much now. I used to have a Star PD, very light weight, alloy frame .45. Geeeez, it hurt to shoot that. I ended up selling it and even my gov't model. I even got rid of Glock 23, .40S&W due to recoil issues. That never used to be a problem for me. It is now. Call me a wuss if you want, but the 9mm is just fine. I carry either a Sig 239, conceals really well, or a Sig 225, my favorite cause it's a very soft shooter. The 239 is more accurate though.

I always wonder about the theory that carrying is a temptation to act violently or irresponsibly. I find the exact opposite to be true. Because I carry, I am more aware of the ability I have to deal out deadly force. It ups the stakes of every situation and makes me more likely to try to avoid and diffuse it peaceably. I feel like I'm working from a position of power and makes it easier to overlook and forgive transgressions. I feel like the other person doesn't know what they're messing with and I feel magnanimous in letting things go.

toby

I know what you mean. I know that a hit in the head could break my neck and it seems as we are easy targets for people . I feel the need to carry a knife now and try to avoid places where I could place my family at risk.

I have a concealed weapons permit. I carry a .45 everywhere it is legal. It has gotten dangerous near where I live. I am not going to breath through a tube or ride in a wheelchair because of some fuming moron. I have a daughter that needs me. I avoid problems at all costs but by law I do not have to back away, I have the right to protect my family and property with deadly force if so "necessary". Peace, Thakman

guys!
what? weapons, fear, family and friends.
I was 18 when diagnosed, 3 years after moving to Fla. in 1983 from england. Fear is all around us, if we believe we are weak. I have two wonderful ex wives, still close,and am married to the best of all three. Two kids one 19 6'4 220 and at college, football, wrestling and pain to dad. my eleven year old daughter, constantly on the move... I worked in restaurants for 12 years, cooking on my feet, through all the usual AS bio-psycho-social problems, my family couldn't understand, friends moved away, and girlfriends turned into wives. Spectral Tiger, i feel your pain on loneliness when dealing with the disease. Self-esteem is an irreplaceable facet of a man's make up. I got out of restaurants and went back to school, three degrees later finishing up a PHD. and have worked with aggressive Developmentally disabled individuals for the past 8 years. I guess all this leads to choices on how you deal with the disease, as its master, controlling it through understanding the triggers, remission and you. The understanding of self is huge. Not the redifining, the understanding of what got you to the point you are now. That person was not predicated on panic, confusion, fear, and separation of mind, body and spirit! We understand ourselves through the human experience. I have lived in South for 25 years now and I have learned that stress and fear are the enemy.
cold rainy days!
a bout of IBS or worse on a friday nite with the MRS.
being without friends, and family. I've gone through a few.
Having a melt down, over having AS
these are things to battle and to protect against.

knowing nobody understands except me gives me the power
to view my life as it suits me best.
Love helps, passion, laughter, a good diet give you more control.
A little OCD is always present, but can be used in moderation to motivate past the depressive days, weeks, months.
Some one who cares about you may care to much to be helpful when dealing with AS, frustration can make ugly bed partners.
How you tell your story also identifies how you see yourself.
It's not easy but working toward a positive narrative of you,
the person. helps.
The ultimate goal is to deal with flair ups, that sometimes last for years, leaving scares and life long pain, Dr., meditation, yoga, what ever floats your boat with the goal of bringing it under control. I recommend anything and every thing in dealing with it.
Understanding triggers and factors for dealing with pain you can work toward remission.
Remission is a package deal, just like pain.
The longer remission lasts the better life is.
Control works with remission, keep doing what got you to the remissive state, believe, believe in yourself, what better place to start healing.
I am sorry for the length of my thoughts in replying to this topic; however, life changes for many reasons and always ends in death, so live every day through rose colored lenses and look for the beauty you missed before you could see!

LiveLoveLaugh, I think you have a very positive approach and I laud you for it. You have some good insight: "How you tell your story also identifies how you see yourself." Now I gotta go back and read what I wrote...

I can't blame Thackman for carrying a weapon if he truly lives in a dangerous area (but a .45 is definitely a shoot-to-kill gun -- and heavy. Wouldn't a 9mm be lethal enough? Loved shooting my grandfather's navy-issued .45 though). I pity the fool who messes with Thackman.

(Livelovelaugh) has some good points, not shure what they have to do with the topic at hand but thats not important. I noticed you did'nt mention the socio-economic realities of AS, that being said, the support system and healthcare you receive and stress of both can have a great impact on this disease. I am starting to think that even people with AS forget or dont realize how severe this disease can be unless they are in the shape of not being able to stand up or walk or move your head at all or even see people eye to eye (literally)because your head is stuck looking at the floor. I was not in very good condition when I was diagnosed but I could never have imagined it would get as bas as it has. My life is not ruled by blind fear. It is a rational understanding that I look like easy prey and must protect myself as such. In late 2005 my neck was broken by an idiot with no regard for their own or anyone elses safety. Through all the pain and disability I sometimes feel like the luckiest cat on the street. I can walk and talk and breathe on my own. I dont carry a weapon around with a chip on my shoulder looking for trouble, the point is to avoid it at all costs. I carry a weapon because it is in fact a dangerous world. When a well delivered punch to the jaw from someone on an idiots rampage is a painful inconvience to some its deadly force and the end for me. That is my reason, not blind fear, loneliness, panic, confusion or pain. Peace everyone, Thakman

Thakman, no offense meant, implying a general rule.
I can't speak for anyone other than myself.
if protection serves you well then you have found
the balance, and you don't experience pain, loneliness etc.
positivity can come in all shapes and sizes 9mm, .38, or 357, or tazzer!
you can avoid human interaction that can lead to rampant
lunatics breaking necks, jaws etc. but that wouldn't be living.
never the less just trying to throw 2cents or maybe a nickle in for peace, love, harmony and living without violence on me or anyone else.
Oh and by the way I own a 12 gauge and have no problem protecting what's mine.