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"When You Get Old..."
#98751 07/10/07 02:31 PM
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WHEN YOU GET OLD


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
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Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
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THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.



As you slide down the bannister of life...May the splinters never point the wrong way.
Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98752 07/10/07 03:25 PM
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Elf,
Great jokes, I think I'm in half of them..!
Cindy

Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98753 07/10/07 07:32 PM
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Thanks Elf. You brought a smile to me. I really needed that today. I've been flaring for about ten days now and feeling kind of down.

toby


I remember when we used to sit in a government yard in Trenchtown...
Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98754 07/10/07 07:44 PM
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These days I am unable to read the labels on over 1/2 the stuff in my shopping cart.


Alanna's Mom, Mary
What have you done for you today?
Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98755 07/11/07 12:08 AM
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When you get old, you will know it. :p


MCM
Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98756 07/11/07 02:52 AM
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You know Mike, I'm glad to see you posting, was sort of worried about you. Are you feeling better? How's the belly? As for getting old, I read somewhere quite some time ago that laughing is considered internal jogging. That being the case, I might look a tad over the hill, but inside is happy. No kidding between my daughter, granddaughter, who is here with me for the summer, not that I see her much cause she works two jobs, and my grandsons we do make a lot of noise laughing. One grandson can wrap a towel or something around his head and strut with the best girls around, he's got to be an actor when he grows up, he's a minature Brad Pitt. The oldest one is a cross between any of you who remember James Dean and crossed with Tom Cruise.
He broods, falls deeply in love at least once a month, then here we go again. A temper that would scare the devil. I don't know what keeps his father from smacking his mouth, more patience than I have, but he's the oldest, 17, and of course knows everything worth knowing. And then there's my Lukie....my baby, can rap,great whistler, Sound Australian, Sound Britiish, and will call me sometimes and act like the biggest of snobs, asking "is this my grand-ma-ma?" I answer "oh yes dahling, been waiting for your call", he will reply that "his driver" is on her way over to pick me up. And ta ta and he's gone. Just makes me know my daughter is coming over. I asked him to help me do dishes, little scamp had the nerve to say that's why girl's have smaller feet, so they can stand closer to the sink. I had never ever heard that, but I don't think he was clever enough to come up with that, but he may have, he surprises me constantly. He's a ringer for Keanu Reeves. They are all three gorgeous, too bad they can't sing or do something to use those good looks:) I know I'm prejudiced but everybody always talks about how my daughter got three such handsome sons. All tall and slim like their father. My daughter said if she would have had a girl she would have taken right after me and her and been a real little porker:) We'll never know,
her "birthing babies" was put to a stop couple of years ago. To be perfectly honest, it's nice to have them around, they can tell me why I went into the bedroom, what I am looking for in the frig, where I have to go, pretty handy to have around when you think about it. Oh, and they make great "gophers" smile


Johnnie
I have AS. AS does not have me!
Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98757 07/11/07 03:05 AM
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I feel old Ms. Jay ,a little better with Nexium. I am running a low grade temp during the daytime.
I felt better today than I have in two weeks, I hope that it continues.
Mike


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Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98758 07/11/07 03:35 AM
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That's good to hear, Mike. There is a bug going around, stomach sick, abdominal cramps, was on the news that several southern states were being hit with it. Might just have gotten you. Said it lasted three to five days. Keep getting better, please smile


Johnnie
I have AS. AS does not have me!
Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98759 07/20/07 07:38 AM
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The sagging one hit me. I shouldn't tell something so embarrassing, but since I love to spill my guts on this board why not?

The other day, Rachel (6) had her shirt off and was pulling at her nipples. I told her to stop doing that (rather harshly), and she asked why.

I couldn't think of anything quickly enough, so I said, cuz when you'll stretch out your skin there and when you grow up and have big boobs, they'll be all saggy and nasty.

'You mean like yours?' was her reply......

Sarah


Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98760 07/20/07 09:27 PM
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Sarah, Aren't kids great, they say the cutest things. My kids told me last week that I would make a great "before" picture for Nutri-Systems. It is a good thing they are still little(6&8) or mommy might have taken offense.


Some of the best things come from Author Unknown.

When the world says, "Give up," hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

Though you can't go back and start again, you can start from now and have a brand new end.
Re: "When You Get Old..."
#98761 07/23/07 01:48 AM
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I HAD A BEUTIFUL COMFY BRIGHT YELLOW PANT SUIT. MY 9 YEAR OLD SON TOLD ME I LOOKED LIKE BIG BIRD. YELLOW SUIT NOW AT GOODWILL.

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