I would like to thank everyone who took time to support me while I wallowed in self-pity and anxiety. I know we all have this disease here so it's probably frustrating to watch someone panic and repeat the same things over and over again.
This painful episode which I am slowly conquering was essential to my grieving process and my acceptance of AS. I feel like I had it "too easy" so far, being put on a biologic early on that erased 90% of my pain for 6 years. I never took the time to absorb the fact that pain in some form or other will be my companion forever, and that effective treatment does not mean being pain-free.
I need to learn to live with pain as a "white noise" in my life. Do the most of good days and allow myself to have terrible days, even terrible weeks sometimes as disease activity and treatment efficacy fluctuate.
I guess I should consider myself lucky to have such a great response to anti-TNF and look forward to another treatment that will work as well as Enbrel did for years.
I will try to stay positive and apply what you all told me.